Nintendo, tipping, and musical taste
Matt Ardito
Issue date: 10/29/09 Section: Opinion
rs that be have decided that it was a good idea to let me express my opinions in a publicly circulated forum. Big mistake. So assuming this is only going to happen one time, let's make it count and get a few issues out of the way while I can.
Nintendo Wii
Nintendo, take notice; you need to stop trying with this system. I don't care how many giggly commercials you make, how many fitness games you care to publish, or how many nursing homes you sell the console to - the Wii is useless, plain and simple.
This is how it worked: Wii Sports was entertaining for a while, but there's only so many Fitness Tests you can do before that gets old. Then you had the new Smash Bros., which was a good save until we realized that the campaign really just made us want to kill Ness. After that, it was the same game as in 1999. Lastly, you earned a few points with the re-release of MarioKart, yet fans of the N64 found more fun in buying the old system for $20 than the remake. Now the system is just boring. But you won't give up, will you Nintendo?
This winter, Nintendo plans on reviving (or what should actually be called "butchering") two of their major franchises. First off: Mario. Instead of sending Mario further and further into space, the lovable Italian is getting a revamp of the original Mario Bros. games, this time allowing up to four players to play at once (Mario, Luigi, and two Toads). Sweet, now I can get in an argument with my eight-year-old nephew over whose turn it is to grab the mushroom. This wouldn't sound so bad if Mario wasn't simultaneously being ruined in poor Olympic Games spinoffs with Sonic. By the way, isn't that a little one-sided? Mario's already mastered every other sport known to man, so what chance does Sonic have in anything other than running around the track?
Back to the big picture: Nintendo will also be ruining Zelda for all of its diehard fans, not so much with an awful game, but with an awful release solely for their handheld, the DS. Congratulations, Nintendo, one of your final claims for being a decent system just got a seemingly permanent shipment to the handheld gallery. Don't laugh, Samus… I'm sure you're going eventually.
Nintendo Wii
Nintendo, take notice; you need to stop trying with this system. I don't care how many giggly commercials you make, how many fitness games you care to publish, or how many nursing homes you sell the console to - the Wii is useless, plain and simple.
This is how it worked: Wii Sports was entertaining for a while, but there's only so many Fitness Tests you can do before that gets old. Then you had the new Smash Bros., which was a good save until we realized that the campaign really just made us want to kill Ness. After that, it was the same game as in 1999. Lastly, you earned a few points with the re-release of MarioKart, yet fans of the N64 found more fun in buying the old system for $20 than the remake. Now the system is just boring. But you won't give up, will you Nintendo?
This winter, Nintendo plans on reviving (or what should actually be called "butchering") two of their major franchises. First off: Mario. Instead of sending Mario further and further into space, the lovable Italian is getting a revamp of the original Mario Bros. games, this time allowing up to four players to play at once (Mario, Luigi, and two Toads). Sweet, now I can get in an argument with my eight-year-old nephew over whose turn it is to grab the mushroom. This wouldn't sound so bad if Mario wasn't simultaneously being ruined in poor Olympic Games spinoffs with Sonic. By the way, isn't that a little one-sided? Mario's already mastered every other sport known to man, so what chance does Sonic have in anything other than running around the track?
Back to the big picture: Nintendo will also be ruining Zelda for all of its diehard fans, not so much with an awful game, but with an awful release solely for their handheld, the DS. Congratulations, Nintendo, one of your final claims for being a decent system just got a seemingly permanent shipment to the handheld gallery. Don't laugh, Samus… I'm sure you're going eventually.
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