A fine line between friend and foe
Brendon Cunha
Issue date: 10/29/09 Section: Opinion
when I should say "no." I try to see the good in everyone and have a difficult time listening to my conscience as it commands me to turn the other cheek. Am I a sucker for punishment or kind to a fault? Where do I draw the line between being a friend and being used?
For the past five years, I have been friends with a guy that I will call Taylor. Taylor and I met on a whim in 2004 and quickly became close. Taylor's infectious personality and sarcastic humor meshed well with my own. I liked the way I felt when I was in his company.
As our friendship progressed, Taylor let his façade disintegrate bit by bit. It was little things at first, such as calling me a name in front of others. Most of the time I would ignore it, but sometimes I put him in his place. He would later apologize and promise to change. He never did, but I always instructed myself to be the bigger person and look beyond his faults.
Things became worse as more time passed. Against my better judgment, I always forgave him. I can remember my other friends asking me why I wanted someone so toxic in my life. I would defend his actions and say that I knew there was a good person underneath it all.
Eventually, Taylor and I had an explosive fight that caused us to not speak for almost a year. During that time, I did some serious soul searching. I asked myself why I continued to let someone back into my life even after they repeatedly hurt and betrayed me. I vowed never to let myself be taken advantage of again…or so I thought.
Taylor called me at the eleven-month mark hysterically crying on the phone. He had a family emergency and needed me. I dropped everything to be by his side, completely rearranging my schedule. After life returned to normal, I barely heard from Taylor. When I tried to call him, he was always "busy" or "working." It did not take long for me to realize where we stood. I was a friend of convenience.
I look back at that tumultuous friendship and wonder what I was thinking. Why did I repeatedly put up with someone who did nothing but drag me down? Why was I allowing myself to be part of a one-sided friendship? I was raised to be a caring and understanding person. I try my hardest to see the gem in everyone, regardless of their personality.
This situation is an example of what happens when someone becomes blinded by false promises and phony pleas of forgiveness. The line between friendship and being used becomes blurred. Having the strength to realize your own self-worth and knowing that you deserve nothing but the best are both crucial elements when judging someone's character. Friendship should be a bond made with equal effort from both parties, not a one-sided arrangement of conditional camaraderie.
For the past five years, I have been friends with a guy that I will call Taylor. Taylor and I met on a whim in 2004 and quickly became close. Taylor's infectious personality and sarcastic humor meshed well with my own. I liked the way I felt when I was in his company.
As our friendship progressed, Taylor let his façade disintegrate bit by bit. It was little things at first, such as calling me a name in front of others. Most of the time I would ignore it, but sometimes I put him in his place. He would later apologize and promise to change. He never did, but I always instructed myself to be the bigger person and look beyond his faults.
Things became worse as more time passed. Against my better judgment, I always forgave him. I can remember my other friends asking me why I wanted someone so toxic in my life. I would defend his actions and say that I knew there was a good person underneath it all.
Eventually, Taylor and I had an explosive fight that caused us to not speak for almost a year. During that time, I did some serious soul searching. I asked myself why I continued to let someone back into my life even after they repeatedly hurt and betrayed me. I vowed never to let myself be taken advantage of again…or so I thought.
Taylor called me at the eleven-month mark hysterically crying on the phone. He had a family emergency and needed me. I dropped everything to be by his side, completely rearranging my schedule. After life returned to normal, I barely heard from Taylor. When I tried to call him, he was always "busy" or "working." It did not take long for me to realize where we stood. I was a friend of convenience.
I look back at that tumultuous friendship and wonder what I was thinking. Why did I repeatedly put up with someone who did nothing but drag me down? Why was I allowing myself to be part of a one-sided friendship? I was raised to be a caring and understanding person. I try my hardest to see the gem in everyone, regardless of their personality.
This situation is an example of what happens when someone becomes blinded by false promises and phony pleas of forgiveness. The line between friendship and being used becomes blurred. Having the strength to realize your own self-worth and knowing that you deserve nothing but the best are both crucial elements when judging someone's character. Friendship should be a bond made with equal effort from both parties, not a one-sided arrangement of conditional camaraderie.
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Nash
posted 11/02/09 @ 3:38 PM EST
Losing a friend is one of the most painful moments in my life. I usually do my best to maintain a balanced relationship with every friend, but some friends abuse this relationship, and take advantage of their closest friends. (Continued…)
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