Always on the short end of the stick
There is nothing fun about being short.
Patrick Stone
Issue date: 3/13/08 Section: Sports
It makes basketball hard. It makes getting the cookies off of the top shelf even harder. Want to date a tall girl? Forget it, unless you're cool with dealing with Oompa Loompa and "Do you need a step ladder to kiss her" jokes for the rest of your days. There are no mean names for tall people, it's really not fair. While Napoleon had his complex, I doubt Abe Lincoln was bitter about whacking his head on door frames when he walked into rooms.
The Vertically Superior have awesome heroes like Andre the Giant (7'4"), Michael Jordan (6'6"), Randy Johnson (6'11") and Kareem (7'2"). Down closer to the earth, call it the short end of the stick, you're not so much looking up to but looking eye to eye with the likes of Muggsy Bogues (5'3"), Earl Boykins (5'5"), Mickey Rooney (5'3") and Betty White (5'1"). That's not a list. That's the cast of a wacky, new reality show on Fox entitled "The Air Down There."
However, a hero may have arrived. He may be the man who will lead the grown-ups shopping in the kids department to glory. He's 5'9" standing on a soapbox, and weighs 180 pounds soaking wet while carrying a small dog. He's also wearing a scowl that says "Don't screw with me" and a t-shirt that says "THE GUN SHOW" on his chest, with arrows pointing in each direction to his biceps.
He's Dustin Pedroia, and although his "guns" might be closer to derringers than they are rifles, he's the best little thing to happen to short people since the invention of the step stool.
Maybe I'm partial to the diminutive Red Sox second baseman because, by chance, we happen to be exactly the same size. But Pedroia isn't willing to let his career be defined by the size of anything other than his heart, which is a cliché so large, it in turn must make him bigger than life. A fantastic contact hitter with plate vision so good he can drive pitchers to "Private Pyle (6'4")"-esque insanity, the kid from Arizona State was one of the two or three most important reasons the Sox won their second World Series in four seasons in '07. And to think, Pedroia had to fight off Alex Cora (6'0") at second to start the season because of a sluggish April.
The Vertically Superior have awesome heroes like Andre the Giant (7'4"), Michael Jordan (6'6"), Randy Johnson (6'11") and Kareem (7'2"). Down closer to the earth, call it the short end of the stick, you're not so much looking up to but looking eye to eye with the likes of Muggsy Bogues (5'3"), Earl Boykins (5'5"), Mickey Rooney (5'3") and Betty White (5'1"). That's not a list. That's the cast of a wacky, new reality show on Fox entitled "The Air Down There."
However, a hero may have arrived. He may be the man who will lead the grown-ups shopping in the kids department to glory. He's 5'9" standing on a soapbox, and weighs 180 pounds soaking wet while carrying a small dog. He's also wearing a scowl that says "Don't screw with me" and a t-shirt that says "THE GUN SHOW" on his chest, with arrows pointing in each direction to his biceps.
He's Dustin Pedroia, and although his "guns" might be closer to derringers than they are rifles, he's the best little thing to happen to short people since the invention of the step stool.
Maybe I'm partial to the diminutive Red Sox second baseman because, by chance, we happen to be exactly the same size. But Pedroia isn't willing to let his career be defined by the size of anything other than his heart, which is a cliché so large, it in turn must make him bigger than life. A fantastic contact hitter with plate vision so good he can drive pitchers to "Private Pyle (6'4")"-esque insanity, the kid from Arizona State was one of the two or three most important reasons the Sox won their second World Series in four seasons in '07. And to think, Pedroia had to fight off Alex Cora (6'0") at second to start the season because of a sluggish April.
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